Satan's music, condoms and reasons to lose your religion

I wonder what the term 'a week is a long time in politics' would be if it were transferred to religion? After all, biblical literalists have attempted to wriggle out of their fantastical delusion be claiming that 'back in God's day, a day could've been.... a thousand/ ten thousand/ a million years long as we know it'. Funnily enough, this is just speculation -  'god' neglected to share this wisdom with his bloggers who scribed his word many moons ago. Just when was 'the day' condensed into the handy 24-hour package that we use in modern times?

Whatever, it seems as if god has tweeted some new commands to different branches of his many churches on earth this week.

Last week, the use of condoms was a sin. AIDS was a punishment from god for those who indulged chiefly in homosexual activities (am not sure if it applied to lesbians) but also those who fancied a lumber or two before getting hitched. Now though, condoms are cool! According to the Pope, it is now a moral responsibility to bag your bratwurst in order to deflect god's anger should you wish to stick it into the wrong oven at the wrong time. As I write, the Vatican is rushing out its own brand of condom, coated with holy lubricant.

Not to be overshadowed by the Antichrist, our cheerful friends in the Free Kirk have decreed that music is to be permitted in their churches. Last week, having a strum of a gee-tar or even a toot on the chanter would've landed you in hot bother, for eternity. But now, Calvinists too can get all happy clappy. Is it a desperate attempt to bolster their dwindling congregations with cool and hip McFly-esque interpretations of Leviticus? It certainly brings the auld joke to mind...

Why are Presbyterians against sex standing up?

It might lead to dancing.

At your local Free Kirk... Koombaya mah lord.

Joking aside, if these hardline Christian heidbangers had not seized control of Gaelic speaking areas some two centuries ago, some of Gaelic's famous puirt-a-beul/ mouth music may not have been born. Not long after the London government decided that the bagpipes were, er... instrumental in formenting nationalist sentiment amongst the clans, the god-squad moved in to decree that music was itself an instrument of Satan. Therefore, the fiddle, Jews' Harp, clàrsach, melodean and any other music maker of the day joined the bagpipe on the bonfire. Like modern-day drugs' laws, it didn't work though and soon the cèilidh house was jumping to fast tongue-twisting nonsense lyrics and vocables that people could dance to. It preceded rap and RnB by 200 years.

It is precisely because of all this nonsense that people are turning their backs on organised religion. However, should you need that we push to send you on your way into a godless life then here's some good stimuli.

  1. The Bible - many atheists maintain that most Christians have never read it. How can any sane person defend its mountain of contradictions, rich vein of hatred and disturbing perverse view of human relations? Even more incredible is that some people want to force this filth on children. So, next time you're in a hotel, steal the one you get free in yon bedside cabinet. Read it.
  2. David Attenborough - if Dawkins is a bit too aggressive then the British Isles' favourite naturalist and all-round genial grandfather figure will soon have you nodding in agreement with his warm brand of reason. I love his quote refuting the 'All Things Bright and Beautiful' train of religious delusion, "They always mean beautiful things like hummingbirds. I always reply by saying that I think of a little child in east Africa with a worm burrowing through his eyeball. The worm cannot live in any other way, except by burrowing through eyeballs. I find that hard to reconcile with the notion of a divine and benevolent creator."
  3. Richard Dawkins -  a man who is genuinely irritated by mumbo-jumbo and the refusal of others to recognise evidence. His anger, turn of phrase and general all-round intelligence makes for great reading. Of the Catholic Church and its obsession with circuses like Lourdes, he says "If you want to experience the medieval rituals of faith, the candle light, the incense, music, important-sounding dead languages, nobody does it better than the Catholics." 

Ave maria...

Links:

Sex, drugs and the Free Kirk...

http://news.scotsman.com/scotland/Music-to-ears-of-Free.6633155.jp

Smite-me-not condoms...

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-11804943

Attenborough...

Dawkins...

http://richarddawkins.net/

http://tocasaid.blogspot.com/

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Comments

Satan's music, condoms and reasons to lose your religion

By Anonymous

 

Anonymous wrote:

Loyal 4 Life? Your website is pretty sad. Loyal to what? The Queen? Protestant church? Who gives a cac?

Looks like typical small town small minded white trash to me.

Anonymous wrote:

I was brought up in a very non-religious household (my parents opted for hippy-dippy new age spiritualist shenanigans, which was arguably worse) but in my recent voluntary workings I have been involved with religious groups, of varying intensity. They all seem to be the same to me, in the words of Dylan Moran (I believe) 'all good religions have a solid base in guilt and shame'. Nowadays it seems like they are actually trying to barter for our souls, giving in to popualr culture little by little. Today its condoms, next year they will advocate S&M orgies. Well, maybe..

I would actually have more respect for them if they stood by their principles, after all they are meant to take this book literally, not reinterpret it to their own ends (which is why we have the one million denominations)

My definition would be loyal to the Uslter Scots, or the British people. Since Loyalists fought against the British King at the Battle of the Boyne it isn't accurate to say that Loyalist = Monarchist. As for the 'Protestant church' well thats a broad spectrum, there's no unifying 'Protestant Church' or single ominpotent representative of God, not to mention that many Loyalists are in fact atheist, agnostic etc etc.

Satan's music, condoms and reasons to lose your religion

By loyal4life.org

I was brought up in a very non-religious household (my parents opted for hippy-dippy new age spiritualist shenanigans, which was arguably worse) but in my recent voluntary workings I have been involved with religious groups, of varying intensity. They all seem to be the same to me, in the words of Dylan Moran (I believe) 'all good religions have a solid base in guilt and shame'. Nowadays it seems like they are actually trying to barter for our souls, giving in to popualr culture little by little. Today its condoms, next year they will advocate S&M orgies. Well, maybe..

I would actually have more respect for them if they stood by their principles, after all they are meant to take this book literally, not reinterpret it to their own ends (which is why we have the one million denominations)

Satan's music, condoms and reasons to lose your religion

By Anonymous

Loyal 4 Life? Your website is pretty sad. Loyal to what? The Queen? Protestant church? Who gives a cac?

Looks like typical small town small minded white trash to me.

Anonymous wrote:

I was brought up in a very non-religious household (my parents opted for hippy-dippy new age spiritualist shenanigans, which was arguably worse) but in my recent voluntary workings I have been involved with religious groups, of varying intensity. They all seem to be the same to me, in the words of Dylan Moran (I believe) 'all good religions have a solid base in guilt and shame'. Nowadays it seems like they are actually trying to barter for our souls, giving in to popualr culture little by little. Today its condoms, next year they will advocate S&M orgies. Well, maybe..

I would actually have more respect for them if they stood by their principles, after all they are meant to take this book literally, not reinterpret it to their own ends (which is why we have the one million denominations)

Correction - only the Roman Catholic church is against contracep

By Anonymous


Not all churches condemn condoms and contraception. It is only the Roman Catholic church which condemns contraception and condoms. Don't you know that there are many different Christian sects with different beliefs and ideas? 

 

Isn't that what the piece says? Read it again. I can see reference to two different churches with two different, but equally daft, ideas mentioned.

Good point though about the number of sects - if there's only one god with his bible, why so many different religions and sub-sects of them?

 

Correction - only the Roman Catholic church is against contracep

By Anonymous

Not all churches condemn condoms and contraception. It is only the Roman Catholic church which condemns contraception and condoms. Don't you know that there are many different Christian sects with different beliefs and ideas? 

Saying that all churches are the same is like saying all political groups are the same and that if you are political then you are responsible for what the Nazis did because they were political. 

Re: Satan's music, condoms and reasons to lose your religion

By Anonymous

The Bible is the Word of God. God created the World and we need Jesus to save us from our sins.

Satan's music, condoms and reasons to lose your religion

By Anonymous

What does 'loyal to the Ulster Scots' mean? Is there any such people? Irish and Scots are the same culturally anyway - even back to our auld shared Ogham alphabet. And 'British'? Do you mean the P-Celts/ Britons/ Welsh? And then there's all the other inputs into our blood and cultures - the Norse, Romans, Hispanics, Germans and Semite peoples.

Apart from aw that, are we not all homo-sapien anyway?

Anonymous wrote:

 

Anonymous wrote:

Loyal 4 Life? Your website is pretty sad. Loyal to what? The Queen? Protestant church? Who gives a cac?

Looks like typical small town small minded white trash to me.

Anonymous wrote:

I was brought up in a very non-religious household (my parents opted for hippy-dippy new age spiritualist shenanigans, which was arguably worse) but in my recent voluntary workings I have been involved with religious groups, of varying intensity. They all seem to be the same to me, in the words of Dylan Moran (I believe) 'all good religions have a solid base in guilt and shame'. Nowadays it seems like they are actually trying to barter for our souls, giving in to popualr culture little by little. Today its condoms, next year they will advocate S&M orgies. Well, maybe..

I would actually have more respect for them if they stood by their principles, after all they are meant to take this book literally, not reinterpret it to their own ends (which is why we have the one million denominations)

My definition would be loyal to the Uslter Scots, or the British people. Since Loyalists fought against the British King at the Battle of the Boyne it isn't accurate to say that Loyalist = Monarchist. As for the 'Protestant church' well thats a broad spectrum, there's no unifying 'Protestant Church' or single ominpotent representative of God, not to mention that many Loyalists are in fact atheist, agnostic etc etc.

Re: Satan's music, condoms and reasons to lose your religion

By Anonymous

Maybe, but there's no proof for it. Maybe there are fairies too? 

Anonymous wrote:

The Bible is the Word of God. God created the World and we need Jesus to save us from our sins.

Re: Satan's music, condoms and reasons to lose your religion

By Anonymous

Where it was quoted above -

''I think of a little child in east Africa with a worm burrowing through his eyeball. The worm cannot live in any other way, except by burrowing through eyeballs. I find that hard to reconcile with the notion of a divine and benevolent creator."

 

This is pure IGNORANCE in and of itself.

The world is dictated by standards defined by our rulers. A developed nation has methods to combat 'worms burrowing into ones eyeballs.

Where these dire events happen, the standards are not sufficient and the people suffer.

All around the world we see rich men ( much loved person above ) , talking about 'standards' of living from a throne of wealth - BLIND to the fact that their own wealth causes resource depletion, poverty and out of balance standards & greed for it. This is the hypocrisy and the stupor.

Then in this blind stupor, they ask 'how can there be a 'creator' and blames it on the world itself.

IT IS THE RULERS (DISTRIBUTERS) WHO TAKE ALL THE BLAME IN EVERY INSTANCE.